If parent and child both want independence and autonomy, why the conflicts?

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

There is a process of transition between childhood and adulthood through which children and parents need to progress. The goal is to achieve this with as much ease (for both of you) as possible. Parenting the adolescent is not a hands-off affair and once reaching adulthood, developmental stages don’t end.

According to psychologist Erik Erikson:

ADOLESCENCE: 12-18 = Identity vs. Role Confusion

YOUNG ADULTHOOD: 18-40 = Intimacy vs. Isolation

MIDDLE ADULTHOOD: 40-65 = Generativity vs. Stagnation

LATE ADULTHOOD: 65-Death = Integrity vs. Despair

Developmental timing is a challenge to parenting adolescents and young adults. You are likely assessing your legacies at the time that your most important legacy, your child, has not yet mastered independent living. This makes it difficult to resist the urge to rescue.

PREPARING YOU: This is an important step to allow a relationship with your adult child. [Read more…]