Personal Improvement

Setting Boundaries

November 1, 2013 By Judy Lipson

“No” is a complete sentence

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

As I talk to clients and others I realize how many children and adults, but especially females, have trouble saying no. While being compassionate and kind are important, respecting yourself is at least as essential. You must know where your boundaries are, where they need to be and how to honor yourself by communicating these boundaries to others.

You have a right and a responsibility to care for yourself, which is why flight attendants instruct you to put on your own mask before assisting your children or those around you. Yet too frequently, you have assisted or done for others until you felt used and exhausted. If you did finally say no or asked for assistance, it’s probable that you also felt guilty doing so. This takes a toll on your physical and emotional health.

Most children are not explicitly taught how to assert their needs in a respectful and self-assured manner. Girls, especially, have been taught to be “nice” and to not make waves so it is problematic for most women to learn how to express their own needs in a healthy manner. Males are not immune from this difficulty. [Read more…]

Living Your Authentic Life

August 30, 2013 By Judy Lipson

“Owning our story can be hard, but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Dr. Brené Brown

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Living authentically is when the peaceful, confident core of your being directs the inner and outer aspects of your life. It means operating from your truest inner-self, so you can be the person who you were meant to be and to experience life empowered.

We each have an inner compass, our entelechy, which guides us toward our authentic life. The entelechy is the fullest realized essence of a thing, i.e.: The oak tree is the entelechy of an acorn, and a full grown adult is the entelechy of a human infant. Dr. Jean Houston, in her book “The Wizard of Us”, teaches that the entelechy is that Essential Self that longs to be expressed and remains your gentle guide.

However, outside forces may interfere with this central guidance. Parents, schools and other elements of society try to mold you to act in a certain manner. This socialization is done [Read more…]

Acceptance and Diversity

July 30, 2013 By Judy Lipson

We all judge; and have our opinions on how things should be and how people should act. We get turned off if somebody acts in a way that doesn’t live up to the way we want things to be. At the end of the day we are all different and it comes down to unconditional love and acceptance. ~ Lenny Kravitz

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

There have been many great leaders urging us to accept each other as equals. The foremost leaders for my generation were President John F Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. President Kennedy said, “If we cannot end now our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity”. Martin Luther King Jr’s: “I have a dream that my four children…will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” is still revered.

We call the United States the melting pot, yet we have been striving for more than two centuries to fully accept our diverse members. Our Declaration of Independence states that all men are created equal with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Our Constitution was written to support these inalienable rights. Yet it took a Civil War and the Emancipation Proclamation before African Americans had the right to live freely, and an additional 50 years before the 19th Amendment allowed women to vote. And still there are groups that don’t have equal rights, so the conversations continue. [Read more…]

Be an Agent of Change

June 25, 2013 By Judy Lipson

Finding Hope in an Insecure World

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The challenges that Earth and our society face are all around us: diminishing rain forests, herbicides, pesticides and genetically modified organisms (GMOs) in our food supply, terrorism, superbugs, etc. It can even bring unease to an eternal optimist, like myself. Some of my students and adult clients have expressed their worries. They are concerned about the state of our world, and the youth often wonder whether they should bother setting goals for a future more than 10 years away.

I suggest we look at the situation from a different perspective. Human nature recognizes problems primarily when they are distinctly apparent, and it seems we have been given numerous opportunities to be enlightened. What if it didn’t need to be so obvious and instead, we allowed ourselves to recognize a problem before it was seemingly out of control? [Read more…]

Embracing Different

May 30, 2013 By Judy Lipson

Peacock “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” – George Bernard Shaw

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Who defines what’s reasonable for whom? Personally and professionally I know the importance of being true to oneself, yet our society continues to maintain what appears to be a double standard. People believe that they encourage individuals to be themselves and to follow their own path, yet they are simultaneously saying the following: I want you to look and act like this… Sit still… Try harder… Be like me.

I work with a number of individuals with the characteristics of attention deficit disorder, Asperger’s syndrome and autism. I focus on the gifts of these individuals and don’t perceive them as having disabilities – I continually strive to help others to see the gifts that these individuals have including: [Read more…]

Alleviate Suffering

April 4, 2013 By Judy Lipson

Know the Power of Your Words and Thoughts

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

The term “pain and suffering” is most often heard in legal context: Pain refers to the initial discomfort while suffering is the extended anguish. Understanding the source of psychological suffering is intriguing. Learning how to alleviate it will enhance your quality of life.

Best selling author Caroline Myss explains that while pain is something that happens to you, suffering is a choice. When life brings challenges that are neither welcome nor appreciated, you respond with emotions like anger, sorrow, hurt, resentment, jealousy or rage. The length of time that this continues and your subsequent response determine if you will experience only the pain, or suffering as well. [Read more…]

Resiliency

February 22, 2013 By Judy Lipson

You may have more than you realize.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Do you know people who have faced repeated adversity yet live a happy, successful life? People who come to mind include Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel, Oprah (poverty and abuse) and child abuse survivor Dave Pelzer (author of A Child Called It). Resiliency is an individual’s ability to cope with stress and adversity by bouncing back. Though often assumed to be a magic trait that you have or you don’t, it is now recognized as something that can be developed.

The following are appropriate for you or your children: [Read more…]

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

February 2, 2013 By Judy Lipson

Avoid separation from others and within yourself

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Keeping up with the Joneses. It seems like human nature. You look at others and compare. Unfortunately you judge yourself to fall short. But what are you really looking at? You are comparing that in-depth knowledge that you have of yourself to the superficial information that you have of others, as well as to an ideal that doesn’t exist.

Be aware of this unconscious tendency to compare and judge which can put the other on a pedestal, leaving you to feel inadequate and resentful. [Read more…]

Your Inner Child

December 31, 2012 By Judy Lipson

The events that occurred during your childhood can affect you as an adult.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Have you ever had a situation that REALLY bothered you? If an observer was present they might have been surprised at how intensely you were affected; maybe it even surprised you. When an individual has a highly emotional response to a conversation or situation, there is likely a deeper reason for the reaction. When I provide counseling I ask if there was a similar challenging situation that occurred sometime in the person’s history. Often the person doesn’t recognize the connection, but the inner child does.

Who is this inner child? Though you may be an adult, your inner child remains within and remembers the wounds, dramas and traumas from those earlier years. [Read more…]

The Importance of Gratitude

October 31, 2012 By Judy Lipson

Recognize the importance of gratitude and appreciation as well as their influence on our well-being.

By Judith E. Lipson, M.A., LPC

Some people seem to be graced with optimism. Others focus on the “glass half-empty” and don’t understand the world of optimists. Adults and children alike tend to focus on life events that are disappointing or the ways that they believe they disappointed themselves or others.

In challenging and stressful times it is common to focus primarily on what is desired. We may want time to relax, a peaceful family, relationship harmony, a career/job change, improved health or any number of “wants”. Our kids are not immune. They experience stress over many of the same issues. It is important to help our children move from stress-filled lives and feelings of depression to calm and ease. [Read more…]

Setting Boundaries

Living Your Authentic Life

Acceptance and Diversity

Be an Agent of Change

Embracing Different

Alleviate Suffering

Resiliency

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Your Inner Child

The Importance of Gratitude

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